Author: halmartin

  • The Gratitude Diaries

    The Gratitude Diaries

    Janice Kaplan, a journalist, makes a New Year’s resolution to be grateful and look on the bright side of whatever happens. She realizes that how she feels over the next twelve months will have less to do with the events that occur than with her own attitude and perspective. Over the year, she consults with psychologists, scholars, teachers, doctors, and philosophers sharing with the reader her witty journey to discover the value of appreciating what you have. Relying on her personal experience of practising gratitude and her research, the author explores how gratitude can transform every aspect of life including marriage, friendship, finances, ambition, and health.

  • Befriending your inner author

     

    Nourish your inner author,

                                           and she will flourish.

               Starve your inner author,

                                           and she will perish.

                                                            Sarah Jane Pennington

     

    Your Inner Author 

    Your inner author is that voice within you that keeps saying, “It’s my turn. I have something to say. You are always finding reasons for us not to write. Please listen.”

    Whether you write the occasional poem, pour your heart out onto the pages of a journal, have a writing project underway, are intent on publishing an article, or aspire to writing your memoirs, you need the cooperation of your inner author.

    You want to write. You want to journal. But, it’s not happening. You think about writing, but somehow your fingers don’t land on the keyboard. Even when you settle down with a cup of tea, get out your favorite pen or stash of sharpened pencils, it is just not happening. You wonder if it is ever going to happen.

    You keep promising yourself that you will take the time, if not daily or weekly, for that writing retreat. Which writing retreat? The one you keep not taking.

    You talk yourself into doing a little more research before you begin. You wonder if you would benefit from a co-author. You soothe yourself by understanding you have a lot on your plate and yet, you want to write. You need to write. You feel called to write.

    Your Call to Writing

    You may have started to write something but you stall easily. Other priorities sneak in. Doubt creeps in. The call to writing slips into the recesses of the busyness of life.  The inner author goes silent again. It waits for you to notice the call to write.

    The call might be reflective writing – journaling to provide insight into your inner life. There is evidence that written disclosure to oneself has psychological and physical benefits. This kind of writing deepens one’s understanding of one’s self and the contexts in which we live.

    For example, you have a call to write that letter in your head to the brother-in law who conned your parents into supporting his ill-conceived dream. You have never put it on paper before. You fear you might send it. You have never explored how you really feel about what happened. Your inner author is ready to journey there when you are.

    The call might be to record your legacy. As one older gentleman said about writing his memoirs, “I am not sure why I am writing this. I know that my dad loved me but I didn’t really know my dad. He died when I was 25.  I want my kids to know their dad, to understand who I am and what I value.”

    The call might be to writing professionally, perhaps even a book. You may even have a title in mind. Or different still, you have always wanted to entertain. You tell great stories, particularly light-hearted ones.

    Your inner author would actually love to cooperate with you in one of these calls to writing.

    Getting to know your inner author

    You might be surprised how much you already know about your inner author. Begin by reflecting on a series of questions:

    • What events and people have influenced the development of my inner author?
    • What is my present relationship with writing or with journaling?
    • How would I rate my adequacy as a writer?
    • How do I feel about my competency as a writer?
    • What are my present writing practices?
    • Under what conditions does my inner author feel most supported?
    • Who is supportive or non-supportive of my inner author?
    • What are the most common barriers my inner author encounters?
    • How open is he or she to feedback?
    • Would my inner author like to be a published author?

    Some additional ideas about getting to know your writing self can be found in the “Outline for the Inner Author Workshop”.

    What discourages the inner author? 

         The inner critic

    It is hard when someone gives us difficult-to-hear feedback on our writing. It is even more damaging if our inner critic joins in with discouraging messages like:

    “Writing is silly, what’s the point?

    “What makes you think anyone would even be interested?”

    “You were never good at English.”

    “You have more important things to do.”

    “You can’t handle rejection.”

    Although your inner author can transcend disparaging remarks, it is often handcuffed by criticism and may retreat until you garner more confidence. There is never a positive outcome when you speak out against your inner author.

    Encouragement to take an occasional writing course is perhaps warranted. A journaling course could give you multiple strategies for reflecting on your life. A short editing course could save you hours in the long run. The challenge is not to avoid writing by taking course after course after course, but to choose one that will foster an increased confidence.

    If you want to write, write. If you just want to talk about writing, that’s different.

    Writers write. They don’t always write well but they write.

         Distractions

    There is no question that if you have the resources to create a writing space – the time and place to write, the opportunities to write are greater. However, many a would-be writer has discovered that with more time and resources, they don’t necessarily put pen to paper.

    There is always something else to attend to:

    Pack for the weekend.               Plan for guests.           Write that letter.

    Bake that cake.            Send that special card.            Visit Grandma.

    Make that appointment.        Call that friend.        Order that gift.        Read to Janie.

    Wash that track suit.        Buy hearing aid batteries for Dad.     Groom the dog.

    Prepare a low-calorie cheesecake.     Write my member of parliament.

    Repair the car.   Fix the kitchen tap. Sew on that button. Re-do the guest room.

    Attend Bobby’s ball game.    Arrange an on-line meeting.   Order that book.

    And it goes on …. and …. on.

    Little wonder that—

    Some days the Muse doesn’t visit at all. (The muse is your creative side/self.)

         Procrastination

    Distraction goes hand in hand with procrastination. It is not always distraction that pushes the would-be writing towards “maybe tomorrow or next week” or “maybe when I retire.”

    The more clear the mission and the greater the commitment to your writing, the better words will find their way onto your page. The answer to a well-defined focus is not always a rigid outline. Rather it is allowing the purpose of your writing to emerge.

    John Cousineau, author of The Art of Pilgrimage recommends, “If in doubt, write.” Stephen King has often been quoted of as saying he doesn’t know what he is going to write about until he writes it.

    Action is the antidote to procrastination. Writing is the required action.  If you want to understand yourself better, just write. If you are uncertain what you want to say in your letter to the editor, just write. If that story that is aching to be told isn’t yet clear, just write. See what comes forward. With exploration, vague ideas transform to lucid thoughts. At some point, you will go, “Yes, that’s it. That’s what I want to write.”

    Encouraging the Inner Author

    What encouragement do you need in order to begin/continue writing about what you are drawn to?

    • The encouragement to begin?
    • The encouragement to ask for help?
    • The encouragement to send your inner critic on a long overdue holiday?
    • Encouragement to follow your heart?
    • Encouragement to take time when seemingly other things are awaiting you?
    • Encouragement to experiment with different genres?
    • Encouragement to write what author Ann Lamott in Bird by Bird calls “a shitty first draft”?

    Although later revisions are not a fun part of writing, they are an essential part of the process of writing something well. But, being fussy with your first draft is rarely helpful.

    Recommended reading

    Living Life as a Writer is an enjoyable and encouraging book that draws in the reader with engaging photographs, inspirational quotes, and the right mix of humor and insight.

    With each richly described segment of this lighthearted reflection on the author’s relationship to writing, you may find yourself with similar  day to day challenges encountered while writing.

    Research

    Writing Power: Kent State Professor Studies Benefits of Writing Gratitude Letters.

    This study examined the effects of writing letters of gratitude on happiness, life satisfaction, and depression. The more letters that people wrote, the greater their happiness and life satisfaction, and the greater their decrease in symptoms of depression.

    This expanded version of the study was published in the 2012 Journal of Happiness Studies 13(1):187-201.

     Strategy of the Month

          Letters

    The art of letter writing was once a primary means of communication. Letters, (sent or unsent), allow us to put our thoughts and feelings onto paper as if we are speaking to someone. Letters give us a voice. In letters, we can express the entire range of our emotional response, from gratitude to resentment and beyond. Often letters are a way of dealing with “unfinished” business.  John Evans in an article published in the March 24, 2014 edition of

    Psychology Today suggests various motivations that lend themselves to letter writing that include but are not limited to offering condolences, asking forgiveness, or expressing gratitude.

    Letters that you intend to send will hopefully have a positive intent and a measured tone. If you have any hesitancy in sending a letter with strong emotional content, let it sit for a few days. Revisit the letter asking yourself, “How would I feel it I received this letter?”

    Unsent letters allow us an uncensored one-way conversation with someone. You can even write a letter to someone who is no longer present in our life. Begin by writing whatever you want to say. You can write more than one draft of a letter. With each draft, your thoughts may further clarify. You can also experiment with writing letters of various lengths about the same issue.

         Priming the pump

    Who would appreciate receiving a letter from you? What do you hope the tone and content of it would be?

    Who would you appreciate receiving a letter from?  What do you hope the tone and content of the letter might be?

    Write one or more of the letters reflecting the tone and content of your choice.

    Be sure to take a moment after writing to ask yourself,

    “What am I noticing about the content of what I have written?

    What am I noticing about how I felt about the writing?”

         Experiment:

    Write to your inner author and/or have your inner author write to you. Simply begin, “Dear Inner Author” ….

    Send a letter to me,  …….please.

     

  • Letter Writing Strategy (April, 2021)

     Strategy of the Month

          Letters

    The art of letter writing was once a primary means of communication. Letters, (sent or unsent), allow us to put our thoughts and feelings onto paper as if we are speaking to someone. Letters give us a voice. In letters, we can express the entire range of our emotional response, from gratitude to resentment and beyond. Often letters are a way of dealing with “unfinished” business.  John Evans in an article published in the March 24, 2014 edition of

    Psychology Today suggests various motivations that lend themselves to letter writing that include but are not limited to offering condolences, asking forgiveness, or expressing gratitude.

    Letters that you intend to send will hopefully have a positive intent and a measured tone. If you have any hesitancy in sending a letter with strong emotional content, let it sit for a few days. Revisit the letter asking yourself, “How would I feel it I received this letter?”

    Unsent letters allow us an uncensored one-way conversation with someone. You can even write a letter to someone who is no longer present in our life. Begin by writing whatever you want to say. You can write more than one draft of a letter. With each draft, your thoughts may further clarify. You can also experiment with writing letters of various lengths about the same issue.

         Priming the pump

    Who would appreciate receiving a letter from you? What do you hope the tone and content of it would be?

    Who would you appreciate receiving a letter from?  What do you hope the tone and content of the letter might be?

    Write one or more of the letters reflecting the tone and content of your choice.

    Be sure to take a moment after writing to ask yourself,

    • “What am I noticing about the content of what I have written?”
    • “What am I noticing about how I felt about the writing?”
  • Letter Experiment

       Letter Experiment:

    Write to your inner author and/or have your inner author write to you. Simply begin, “Dear Inner Author” ….

    Send a letter to me,  …….please.

  • The Benefits of Writing Gratitude Letters

    Writing Power: Kent State Professor Studies Benefits of Writing Gratitude Letters.

    This study examined the effects of writing letters of gratitude on happiness, life satisfaction, and depression. The more letters that people wrote, the greater their happiness and life satisfaction, and the greater their decrease in symptoms of depression.

    This expanded version of the study was published in the 2012 Journal of Happiness Studies 13(1):187-201.

  • Living Life as a Writer

    Living Life as a Writer is an enjoyable and encouraging book that draws in the reader with engaging photographs, inspirational quotes, and the right mix of humor and insight.

    With each richly described segment of this lighthearted reflection on the author’s relationship to writing, you will likely find yourself with similar  day to day challenges encountered while you are writing.

  • Pathways to Lightheartedness

     

     

    If light is in your heart, you will find your way home.

                                                                                       Rami

     

    Introduction

          The need for lightheartedness

    Many people would suggest that these times are not to be taken lightheartedly. These are serious times. Our world is fraught with problems of climate change, political polarization, wars, the growing gap between the haves and the have nots, and the reality of visible intolerances of gender, faith, or race. Add to this that people are feeling burdened, often chronically, with the many challenges of Covid. All of these issues are real and serious. The pathway to a better future includes acknowledging and addressing the seriousness.

    A heavy heart makes addressing issues more difficult. How do we, while avoiding a heavy heart, acknowledge the seriousness of what confronts us as individuals, communities?

         What is lightheartedness?

    Let’s contrast heavyhearted with lighthearted. When someone announces unwelcome news, they will often begin with, “It is with a heavy heart that I inform you…”. When our hearts are heavy, we feel the weight of the world. It is like the windows of joy close. A melancholy sets in. It is a common response but it needn’t become a way of life.

    Lighthearted people do not make light of the problem. They work to see the problem differently. Their first response to a house fire is “Was anyone hurt?” A lighthearted person looks for the stars in the darkness. A lighthearted person recognizes that it is never too late to be happy. They are not burdened with the expectation that everything needs to always go well or that everyone needs to be good natured all of the time.

         What do you do when you live with someone who is heavy hearted?

    What is  annoying about someone saying to you “Lighten up?”. The unspoken message is, “Don’t feel what you are feeling.”

    There are folks who, for various reasons, are not prepared to view their situation as anything but serious. They may be overwhelmed with grief or entrenched in righteous indignation about an injustice. Whatever their reasons, logical arguments usually fall on deaf ears.

    Others truly need a non-judgmental listening ear. There is a temptation to want to lift them into the light, out of the darkness that they are wrestling with, by offering free unsolicited advice.

    Some may need professional help if their heavy heartedness develops into depression.

    It is important when living with someone heavy hearted to take care of your own well-being while accepting that your family member or friend is finding their own way through darkness.

         What are possible pathways to lightheartednes?

    Sometimes, we can spontaneously enter the realm of lightheartedness. At other times, it takes intention and action to move towards a lighter place.

    Mary Pipher in Women Rowing North suggests that we need “multiple reliable ways to cope with stress.” Many of us have temporary relief measures for heavy heartedness; we have ways of lifting our spirits, lightening our load. It could be music, being in nature, comfort foods, creative endeavors, or distraction. There are likely as many pathways as there are people.

         The pathway is a process.

    The process begins with noticing. Notice what you associate with being heavyhearted. Is it certain people, a particular memory, a formidable challenge? What uplifts you? You may benefit from actually writing down your reflections on these questions.

    Noticing leads to acknowledging what the situation is. There are many situations in life that are disheartening. There are expectations that are not met. There are people whose behavior has disappointed us. There are circumstances over which we do not have control. There are things that are not fair. There are times and events that temporarily imbalance our lives. It is simply a reality that we can be more lighthearted in some circumstances and with some people.

    We have a choice. We can persistently mourn what cannot happen at this time, under this circumstance, or with this person. Or, we can begin to let go. Martha Pipher suggests that “In life, as in writing, it is as important to know what to delete as it is to know what to add”. The question, “What am I holding onto that is making me unhappy?’ is a good starting place.

         The prevention pathway

    We can avoid heavyheartedness by limiting our exposure to negativity. For example, you may want to experiment with the occasional day without electronics. No news, phones, skype, zoom, television, or social media.

    Look at the world through the lens of hope rather than despair. Watch the good news challenge on occasion. Choose reading that is uplifting. Choose friends who are empathic and productive. You don’t need a lot of “ain’t it awful” conversations. More “what if” talk keeps the focus on possibilities rather than on barriers.

    Language is key. Using words and expressions like “on cloud nine”, “a happy camper”, and “over the moon”, can contribute to feeling lighter. Notice your language. Experiment with positive language when it is tempting to be negative. Call your stress, your growing edge. Call being put on hold on the phone, an opportunity to practice patience, or even take a mini vacation while you wait. Think of the delay as a gift. Thank the person who eventually gets to you.

         The humour pathway

    It is okay to laugh. Even in grief, memories can generate laughter. Humour that has a twist often takes us to a place of lightheartedness.

    Humour can generate a lightheartedness that can get us through a dark moment. For example, Norm’s black humour caught everyone off guard. After being told he had extensive and inoperable cancer, he responded, “You mean I ate all that broccoli for nothing!” It didn’t change the situation but it did change the mood of the moment.

         The pathway that involves people:

    Most of us need at least one friend who we can call and say, “Do you have a few minutes to talk?”  You know that talking to that person will likely help lift the heaviness. You may or may not talk about what is contributing to your heaviness.

    Are you that person for someone else?

    Do you have a lighthearted mentor? When you think of someone who is lighthearted, who do you think of? Be specific. A neighbor, a grandmother, an uncle, a manager, a colleague? How old are they? How would you describe them to others? What do you notice that they do or say that encourages lightheartedness?

    There is another way in which people uplift us. Sometimes it is important to transcend our situations and help someone else in some small way. It takes our focus off of ourselves. We might call it a “pathway of service”.

    Children have no trouble being lighthearted. Do you have anyone who brings out the child in you? Over the years our child-likeness can fade. We don’t go to the silly well as often. It helps to have people who will go to the silly well with us.

    The Silly Well

    The drought of decades

    has left me parched.

    The well of silliness is dry.

    I no longer see fairies dancing on daffodils.

    I no longer hear orchestras in the forest.

    I no longer imagine magic carpets

    carrying me to Camelot.

    I miss the silly well

    blessed with the silly spell

    that made life lighter.

    Made hardship livable.

    Made strangers, friends.

    Made mountains into molehills.

    Made tedium into adventure.

    I miss the silly well.

    You see –

    To go to the silly well

    you must take a friend.

    I cannot go

    to the silly well

    alone.

                                                                  Sarah Jane Pennington

         The Gratitude Pathway

    There is a surge of websites, books, blogs, and research that focus on gratitude. There is no question that people who routinely express gratitude, despite their circumstances fare better physically and emotionally. Imagine and record some of the things that have warmed your heart.

         The Reflective Pathway

    You might call this the pathway with a pen. Courtney Carver, author of Soulful Simplicity who lives with multiple sclerosis says, “I put my heart on paper first. I write it all down. Even if it sounds messy, I don’t judge. I just write.”

    Just writing often takes us to such questions as, “What am I taking so seriously that I am willing to forego my sense of wellbeing?” How did heavyheartedness take over my day? Is it taking over my life? How am I spending my time? What am I thinking, feeling, or doing that makes this better or worse? How can I plan a day with increased joy and meaning?

    Recommended Reading

    The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

    On the outside, this author had it all, but she knew something was missing. To respond to that nagging feeling, that absence of lightheartedness, she set out on a year-long quest to better enjoy the life she already had. Bit by bit, she began to appreciate and amplify the happiness in her life. Written with a sense of humor and with insight, the Gretchen Rubin’s story is inspiring. It is a reminder of how to have fun.

    The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris.

    Are you caught in pursuing happiness rather than experiencing it? This author offers insights and techniques that invite readers to do something differently. It is a great book to read with your journal right beside you to respond to the questions and suggestions.

    Research

    In this New York Times article, the author reports the effect on happiness in several studies including struggling college and marital couples.

    Writing Strategy of the Month

    Contrasting Strategy 

    Contrasting is a writing strategy that gives us an opportunity to see the world through different lenses. You can contrast different kinds of people. You can contrast the difference between two events. You can contrast best and worst scenarios.

    For practice, just write about one of the most lighthearted situations you have ever experienced. Be sure to share the who, what, why, where, and when of the situation. Tell the reader any detail you can remember including colors, smells, textures, and sounds.

    Then just write about one of the most disheartening situations you have ever experienced. Be sure to share the who, what, why, where, and when of the situation. Tell the reader any detail you can remember including colors, smells, textures, and sounds.

    Then reflect on how you felt in each of the situations and how you felt even as you wrote them. What did you notice about lightheartedness contrasted with heavy heartedness?

    Photo Question of the month

    What two contrasting occasions might have prompted the feelings engendered in you by the balloons?

    Using contrasting, write about two circumstances that may have prompted the balloon scene. Include the who, what, where, why, and when for both. Example: One circumstance may engender heartache, while the other may engender lightheartedness.

    Then write about how you felt about each situation and how your felt as you wrote about each situation.

     

  • Writing Your Way to Happiness

    In this New York Times article, the author reports the effect of writing on happiness in several studies including struggling college and marital couples.

  • The Happiness Trap

    The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris.

    Are you caught in pursuing happiness rather than experiencing it? This author offers insights and techniques that invite readers to do something differently. It is a great book to read with your journal right beside you to respond to the questions and suggestions.

  • The Happiness Project

    The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

    On the outside, this author had it all, but she knew something was missing. To respond to that nagging feeling, that absence of lightheartedness, she set out on a year-long quest to better enjoy the life she already had. Bit by bit, she began to appreciate and amplify the happiness in her life. Written with a sense of humor and with insight, the Gretchen Rubin’s story is inspiring. It is a reminder of how to have fun.