The Train in Winter is a truly chilling portrait of ordinary women who found the courage to do extraordinary things as part of the WW2 French resistance.
The website This I Believe is an international organization that shares people’s writing about their core values. There are over 100,000 essays written by people from all walks of life and categorized by theme. They also have a weekly featured podcast.
Please read several of the essays on the “This I believe” website, then write your own essay espousing what you believe about some aspect of life. The site has generously provided guidelines which are as follows:
Tell a story about you. Explain the circumstances that shaped your core values. Be specific. Describe moments when a belief was formed or tested or changed. Think of your own experience, work and family. Your story need be neither heartwarming nor gut-wrenching. It can even be funny but it should be real. Tie the story to the essence of your philosophy of life.
Be brief: Your statement should be between 500-600 words.
Be positive: Write about what you believe, not what you don’t believe. Avoid statements of religious dogma, preaching, or editorializing.
Be personal: Make your essay about you; speak in the first person. Avoid using “we”. Tell a story about your own life. This is not an opinion piece about social ideals. Write in words and phrases that are comfortable for you to speak. The recommendation is that you read your essay aloud to yourself several times, editing it until you have the words and tone that truly echo your beliefs and the way you speak.
Writing and Marriage
(http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0956797612474938)
Eli Finkel and his colleagues of Northwestern University surveyed 120 couples for two years about their relationship satisfaction. There was no intervention in the first year. That is, participants were not directed to write anything. In the second year, the group was divided in two. One group continued to simply fill out the surveys. The other group was asked to complete three seven-minute writing tasks over the course of the year. They were instructed to write about arguments that they had in the previous months from “the perspective of a theoretical neutral third party”. The couples in the writing group were found to have greater relationship satisfaction at the end of the second year than the couples who did not participate in the writing task.
Finkel, E. J., Slotter, E. B., Luchies, L. B., Walton, G. M., & Gross, J. J. (2013). A brief intervention to promote conflict-reappraisal preserves marital quality over time. Psychological Science, 24, 1595-1601.
Opening Up by Writing It Down
James Pennebaker
(https://liberalarts.utexas.edu/psychology/faculty/pennebak) of the University of Texas is the name most associated with research in this area. His work began with studies of self-disclosure. His most recent book Opening Up by Writing It Down, co-authored with Joshua Smyth, also a noted researcher, is a well-spring of information about the benefits of what they refer to an expressive writing. They document the outcome of a multitude of studies on various physical and psychological conditions. I appreciate that they also draw attention to matters of ethics and point out that writing may not be for everyone or every condition. If you intend to do research or are interested in a very readable summary of the research in this area, you will find Opening Up by Writing It Down by James Pennebaker and Joshua Smyth an excellent resource.
This part of the web site will provide you with a brief summary of findings of various studies. There is no particular theme to the selected studies. When possible the full reference for the study will be included for readers who would like to look at methodology and analysis information.
Photo question of the month (December 2020)
What have you locked yourself into or out of for too long?
Use the “dialogue writing strategy” to respond to this image, in writing.
Quiet the mind, and the soul will speak.
Ma Jaya Sali Bhagavati
“Staying in the Calm Zone”
Is stress optional?
Unfortunately not. Life in ordinary times has its stressful events. In this unprecedented time of COVID, the stressors are multiplied and magnified. The challenge is to listen to our inner voice, the one voicing what is happening in our inner life. What do you hear when you ask these questions?
What are the challenges of COVID in your day to day life? What are the increased demands? Or, is there decreased stimulation. How would you describe your response to the demands and restrictions imposed by COVID?
As you approach the holiday season, how is your “joy” meter? What is the level of “good cheer” in your heart?
What is the Calm Zone?
The Calm Zone is the emotional zone in which you feel comfortable, safe, composed, even relaxed. Flanking the Calm Zone is a Red Zone and a Blue Zone. The Red Zone is where you feel restless, tense, unsettled, perhaps irritated or anxious. In The Blue Zone, you are likely to feel disheartened, discouraged, even demoralized – and for sure, stuck.
In the Calm Zone, we still have, if needed, the capacity for the fight or flight response. The Calm Zone is not passive. We still experience ups and downs but we return to a stable emotional state relatively quickly despite external stressors. In the Calm Zone, we can have our feelings, but our feelings don’t have us.
Zones are not just attitudes. They are physiological states that indicate the level of arousal that our bodies are feeling.
How does stress affect our bodies and our well-being?
To oversimplify, we are designed for short term stress. Our bodies react to a threat and then reset to a state of balance.
Chronic stress keeps our arousal levels too high for too long. Being outside of the Calm Zone for long periods of time has substantial consequences on our bodies, our feelings, our thinking and our relationships.
Each of us is unique in the way that we experience chronic stress. One person may develop high blood pressure, while another develops fatigue. Irrational thoughts and fears are common. Some people become cranky; others feel overwhelmed.
How do I know what zone I am in?
Being aware of your body is key. How relaxed are you? How is your energy level? How well are you sleeping? Are you over eating or losing weight? Is there a bounce in your step? Is there delight in your voice? Are you finding yourself ‘short’ with friends, family or strangers? How is your sense of humor?
Does your mind turn to what you are missing, or does it focus on how to navigate challenges with courage, creativity and kindness? Are you feeling powerless or empowered?
Under stress, would you say you are inclined to the red, blue or calm zone?
How do I maintain or get into the Calm Zone?
First, step away from the stressor – physically if possible, and mentally. It takes practice. Our grandmother’s advice to “Count to ten before you react” was wisely given.
Secondly, in study after study, stress research over the years has pointed to the need for “a pause button”. The brain needs to go into neutral. There are many ways to induce the “relaxation response” and enter the Calm Zone. What works for one person may not for another.
Thirdly, Canadian D. Meichenbaum coined the expression “stress inoculation”. The list of stress inoculators is long. Quilting, music, meditation, journaling, writing poetry, art, walking, deep breathing, yoga. The list goes on. The essential element is that the activity is predominately quiet; it is truly a time out from a slow or accelerated pace. It is free from judgment, strain or compulsion.
What takes you to that place of quiet, to that sense that “this too shall pass”, to a confidence that you can handle life?
Why is being in the Calm Zone so important?
There are two main reasons:
The first reason is that outside of the Calm Zone, our judgment is impaired. The zone we are in influences the choices we make. For example, imagine that someone just rear ended your vehicle. Now you will be late for an important appointment! How would the responses differ depending on which zone you were in?
The second reason is that you need to be in the calm zone to experience joy.
Dr. Grant McLean, long time friend, responded to last month’s newsletter on Joy with this:
“I stopped to truly listen to the sea, and feel the peace, and let go the tensions and fatigue that were part of my life as a physician in the modern world. The joy was not out on the waves, or in the gulls that soared above on the sea breeze, or behind me in the trees, or the green hills. I found the joy inside myself. It was waiting there to be rediscovered, to be acknowledged, to be treasured. … The secret is to take precious time, now, to focus on that tiny flower, or to listen to a favourite song.” (shared with permission)
Where does writing fit in?
Whether we write the occasional poem, pour our heart out onto the pages of a journal, are writing our memoirs or crafting letters to influence the world, writing slows us down. It takes us to the Calm Zone. When we slow down, we can listen to our inner life.
Writing is a form of deep listening. When we listen, we quiet the mind. If we quiet the mind, our soul will speak.
Suggested Reading
Listening Below the Noise by Anne D. LeClaire
A personal favorite of mine, Anne LeClaire chooses two days a month for silence – for 17 years. She documents the transformations in herself and her family as a result of learning to listen to her inner life and body.
Find a Quiet Corner: Inner Peace, Anytime, Anywhere by Nancy O’Hara
Are you unsure what activity you might help you enter the Calm Zone? If so, Finding a Quiet Corner is for you. The author offers a near endless menu of options available in our day to day lives.
“What flows through your attention sculpts your brain”. This book is an excellent starting place for understanding the need for and the pathway to the Calm Zone.
Seven Thousand Ways to Listen by Mark Nepo
The author asserts that “Listening is the doorway to everything that matters.” Every chapter ends with a “Reflective Pause” that includes a mediation, questions to discuss with others and journal questions.
8 Minute Meditation by Victor Davich
This is an easy to read guide to alternatives that might fit your busy schedule should you decide to experiment with meditation.
Research
Smyth and Helm report the value of workbooks used to guide the writing of asthma patients. They used a procedure called Focused Expressive Writing (FEW) concluding that self-administered manuals represent a promising avenue for the use of FEW as a self-help technique. A case illustration is included in the article.
This is one of numerous studies focusing on practical applications of writing beginning to appear in the international literature.
Writing strategy of the month
The Dialogue Strategy (December 2020)
This month’s strategy is credited to Ira Progoff who developed the intensive journal process.
The dialogue strategy involves having a conversation with some aspect of our life. For the purposes of this newsletter, a dialogue with your body is the assignment. Ask your body a sincere question. Record the question.
The strategy guidelines involve three steps:
Sit quietly. Reread the dialogue. Reflect on and record your reaction to what you and your body were discussing.
Be willing to resume the dialogue if it seems that conversation could continue.
Photo question of the month (December 2020)
What have you locked yourself into or out of for too long?
Use the “dialogue writing strategy” to respond to this image, in writing.
Joy is to fun, as the deep sea is to a puddle.
It’s a feeling inside, that can hardly be contained.
Terry Pratchett
To live a life of joy is to live a bold life.
Looking at challenge through the lens of adventure, seeing beauty in dark places, delighting in the smile of an infant, being in awe of a sunrise – this is an aliveness that many of us call joy. Joy, like love and hope, doesn’t lend itself to being defined. Happiness, bliss, rapture, wonder, thrill, and delight are common synonyms. Joy does have a spark, a moment when time seems to stop. A moment when our whole body smiles. You might think of joy as an unexpected flash of gratitude.
Does joy affect our health?
Dr. Cynthia Thaik reported in HuffPost in 2014, “When you are joyful, your whole body benefits, especially your heart and mind. In fact, research shows that joyful people have less chance of having a heart attack, healthier blood pressure, lower cholesterol, weight management, and decreased stress levels.”
Joy triggers
Each of us is unique in what triggers the joy response. The challenge is to be open to joy regardless of what we are feeling, to pause for a moment to notice that special feeling.
When the fawn pounced
across the carpet of green,
the feeling came
with an inner smile.
I remembered
for the first time in a long time,
the feeling of joy.
What blocks joy?
Experiencing even a few minutes of joy each day can be a challenge in this time of unprecedented chaos in our lives. What often brings us joy may be less available because of COVID 19, or joy may have slipped behind a veil of stressors that are taxing us. It is present though, if only in flashes, and only for moments.
Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be filled with joy. Joy requires us to pause, to insulate ourselves from the pain, physical or emotional if only for moments. Feelings of anger, resentment, fear or sadness can act as a wall through which we cannot see or touch joy.
During extra stressful times, our efforts to experience joy need to be more intentional. What wall inhibits you from experiencing joy – or of being bold in the face of adversity? What feeling might you need to confront in order to experience more joy in your life?
Openness to joy is a choice
There are those who have cultivated joy over their lives and seem to have a wellspring of it in reserve, who are not battered by the prevailing winds of chaos, who can unearth the specialness even in difficult moments.
Are you one of those people? Do you have one or more of those people in your life?
To be open to your joy requires a pause, a moment or more when the world falls away. In our world of busyness, we likely miss moments of joy that are readily available to us. Joy doesn’t take time out of our lives. It takes only a moment to delight in freshly squeezed orange juice, to smile back at a stranger, to watch the blue jays and squirrels bicker over the peanuts as winter sets in, to treasure a moment of sacredness, to literally smell a rose. Are you allowing yourself to pause for moments of joy? Remember joy is a gift that often takes us by surprise.
Openness to joy can include more than receiving an unexpected gift in your day. It could include kindling a moment of joy in the life of someone else. Sending an unexpected card. Your long awaited voice on the phone call to a friend. A basket of fresh muffins left on a neighbor’s doorstep. Paying it forward at Tim Horton’s. Surprising someone else with an unanticipated kindness will bring you both joy. You will see it in their eyes. You will feel it in your heart.
Lists may seem so ordinary, so mundane. Yet, writing lists can be enormously helpful in giving our lives direction, identifying targets of gratitude and recovering memories.
This month’s theme is “joy”. This month’s writing strategy is “writing lists”. As you experiment with one of more of the lists below, notice the interaction between the theme and the list. As you write lists about joy, past, present or future, notice how you body responds? Notice how you feel if you take a moment with each item on the list. “Enjoy” your reflections on joy.
Answer any or all of the questions using lists.
What five moments of joy come to mind quickly?
What would bring you joy to write about?
What do you imagine would bring you joy that you have not yet experienced?
What photographs or images do you think capture joy?
To whom might you bring joy to today how might you do it?
What task would bring you joy today if you reframed it as a privilege, shifting from “I have to” to “I get to”?
If you were in charge of developing a “joy menu” for people in quarantine because of COVID, what would be on the menu for them to order?
If you really enjoy “lists” you might want to experiment with a journal that specifically uses “lists”. This is a link to 52 Lists for Happiness: A Weekly Journaling Inspiration for Positivity, Balance, and Joy by Moorea Seal.
We invite you to share your lists with us. We are in the process of web development that will allow readers to share with each other.
Photo question of the month (November 2020)
Use the list writing strategy to explore the joy in this photo. Or, use previous months strategies of story, or the pyramid strategies.
Ask people about hope –
and they will tell you a story-
Scholars have not agreed on a definition of hope. Like love, it eludes definition, yet there is consensus that it is a necessary yet unique human experience. There is agreement that it is different than its cousins – faith, coping, resilience, optimism, desire or wishing.
For our purposes let’s think of hope as “ a willingness to envision a future in which we are willing to participate.”
Story Samplings
Sasha, a Russian woman in the last days of her life in a palliative care unit told me a story of the time she and her cousin were sent to a labour camp in Siberia. They rose each morning and said to each other, “Someday, we will be in America.” Then, with a broad smile on her face, she sighed and said, “And look. Here I am in America.” Her dream had come true.
Darius, a young man from the slums of Dar-es-Salaam, Tanzania, spoke with pride as he told the story of stowing away on a ship four times and each time being returned to his native county. The fifth time his efforts eventually led to a new life.
Joe, a quadriplegic from a truck accident, with the help of a friend was able to take his son fishing. Only when he was asked by caregivers about what gave him hope did they realize he had a son who was the source of his hope.
Jack, an advanced lymphoma patient, described a bald five year old youngster pushing an intravenous pole and carrying a wooden toy. Young Tommy shuffled up to Jack’s bed, looked directly at Jack with his ocean blue eyes and asked, “Can you fix my toy?”. Jack later shared that that was the moment his hope returned – the moment he believed he could endure the demanding side effects of his own cancer treatment.
Hope stories need not be serious or complicated. They can be simple. Watching young ducklings on their first spring swim. Remembering moments with a grandmother who shared tea with you as a child, treating you like you were her peer. Receiving a letter that confirmed you were accepted to university. Finding a $20 bill on a park bench with no one in sight to even inquire into its owner. Seeing your first poem published. Finding a basket of fresh muffins on your steps just after you have moved into a community.
Most of us could name numerous movies that are basically hope stories – Rudy, Shindler’s List, Eight Below, The Martian, Castaway, My Left Foot. The list is extensive.
Freedom Writers is a hope story based on the power of writing to change lives.
Not all stories are about hopes that are fulfilled. A hope story can be inspiring even when the preferred outcome doesn’t happen. In hope stories though, there is a touch of surprise. Despite the context of adversity and/or uncertainty in the end the story takes a twist. Something is easier than expected, funnier than circumstances would suggest, more possible than imagined.
What is your story ?
Everyone has a hope story. It may be about their whole life or it may be about one time, event, or person that became a lesson in hope. Each aspect of our life has its own story. We have a story about being a parent, a teacher, a caregiver, a spouse. Each is made up of contributing stories. Similarly with hope. There are moments in our lives that make up our hope story. Those moments may or may not be related to times of opportunity, achievements, or adversity. Each person’s hope story is different. The characters, incidents, challenges, allies and enemies will be different. What will be similar is that universal experience we call hope.
This thing called hope
What is this thing called hope? A day with it guarantees nothing. A day without it is difficult. It cannot be x-rayed. It cannot be injected with a needle. As early as 1959, Karl Menninger in his presidential address to the American Psychiatric Community pleaded with the mental health community to pay attention to the “validity of hope”.
Yet, as late at 1988, the word hope was not even a key word in the psychological or medical abstracts. There were voluminous references to depression but none for hope. In the thirty intervening years, hope studies is now a recognized area of study. Hope focused practice is recognized as aligned with therapies that focus on peoples’ stories as key to understanding and enhancing their well-being.
My experience with hope
I was privileged to be a founding member of the Hope Foundation of Alberta, now known as Hope Studies Central. It is one of the few places in the world that specifically studies hope. It has a database that contains over 4500 articles and books specific to hope. Access to the database is free.
For more than a decade, I read about hope, talked with patients about hope, witnessed how people transcended hopelessness in the context of adversity, researched hope, lectured about hope, and taught hope courses for health care providers, educators, clergy, prison inmates, high risk adolescents and university students. I can attest to the power of hope.
The scope of hope is BIG, so we will be revisiting the topic every few months. On the website under Suggested Reading you will find an additional variety of hope readings.
Suggested Reading
There is something mysterious about hope. You can be in dire straits and have a great deal of hope. You can have everything going your way with little or no hope. Either way, hope has a powerful effect on your life. After explaining what hope is, the authors describe twenty-two specific ideas about how to find hope, keep and build hope in one’s personal life. This book is not just about hope. It is an experience of hope. Insightful quotations for the ages as well as creative black and white photography enhance the text.
Tellwell featured Ronna as Author of the Month for April 2020 in an interview that you might enjoy reading as background to the book.
This recent article how to live from a place of hope speaks to the challenge of sustaining hope during Covid19.
Hope often is challenged in the context of illness. This article Hope and Illness was published on the Hope Café: Brewing optimism 24 hrs a day site.
The recent article Seeking-Hope reviews the mission, history, and activities about the Hope Foundation of Alberta, now known as Hope Studies Central (University of Alberta, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada)
This link is for access to the Reference Data Base archives for Hope Studies Central
Want a lift during Covid19 days?
One reviewer says “HumanKind is filled with uplifting stories that will inspire you”. Another says “HumanKind is a celebration of the impact of small choices to transform ourselves the lives of those around us. It offers up inspiring ways for us to make the world better, even amid injustice, tragedy and misfortune.” I say, “HumanKind is a rich source of hope stories that invite us to see the world through the lens of hope.”
Evidence
Influence of reflective writing on depression in students
Behavior Medicine (2006) reported that the students in the expressive writing group showed significant lower depression symptoms at the 6 month assessment.
The Journal of Positive Psychology (2016). Vol. 11, No.1 reported the influence of a four week positive writing intervention. Rather than writing about difficult times, the intervention focused on writing related to strengths, positive experiences and gratitude. The positive writing group showed a lower dysphoric mood ( despondent – unhappy, uneasy, dissatisfied), fewere worries and less rumination compared to the neutral writing group.
Writing Strategy—Story
Writing a hope story exercise
Think of a setting in which there is tension, adversity, or uncertainty. It can be in the past, the present, or even the future. For a few minutes write about the context. Take the potential reader to the situation. Where are you? Who else is there? What are you seeing? Pay attention to details of your senses. Notice color, shape, time of day? What if any, smells, are there? What sounds can you hear? What is happening that is a concern? What happens that changes what is expected? What twist occurs? What is it that is funnier, easier, or possible that wasn’t evident initially.
Your stories may or may not be private. If you want to share them, send them along to Prairie Wind or share them with a friend or member of your family. Invite others to share a hope story. Experiment this week. Write or tell a hope story each day.
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Photoquest
Sit before this photo for a few minutes. Just sit. Imagine that the photo has a story to tell you. Or perhaps the photo reminds you of a story. We invite you to pick up a pen your your keyboard and let yourself write the story. Let hope come into the story at some point.
Remember that there are no punctuation or grammar police.