Category: Newsletter Archive

 

 

If light is in your heart, you will find your way home.

                                                                                   Rami

 

Introduction

      The need for lightheartedness

Many people would suggest that these times are not to be taken lightheartedly. These are serious times. Our world is fraught with problems of climate change, political polarization, wars, the growing gap between the haves and the have nots, and the reality of visible intolerances of gender, faith, or race. Add to this that people are feeling burdened, often chronically, with the many challenges of Covid. All of these issues are real and serious. The pathway to a better future includes acknowledging and addressing the seriousness.

A heavy heart makes addressing issues more difficult. How do we, while avoiding a heavy heart, acknowledge the seriousness of what confronts us as individuals, communities?

     What is lightheartedness?

Let’s contrast heavyhearted with lighthearted. When someone announces unwelcome news, they will often begin with, “It is with a heavy heart that I inform you…”. When our hearts are heavy, we feel the weight of the world. It is like the windows of joy close. A melancholy sets in. It is a common response but it needn’t become a way of life.

Lighthearted people do not make light of the problem. They work to see the problem differently. Their first response to a house fire is “Was anyone hurt?” A lighthearted person looks for the stars in the darkness. A lighthearted person recognizes that it is never too late to be happy. They are not burdened with the expectation that everything needs to always go well or that everyone needs to be good natured all of the time.

     What do you do when you live with someone who is heavy hearted?

What is  annoying about someone saying to you “Lighten up?”. The unspoken message is, “Don’t feel what you are feeling.”

There are folks who, for various reasons, are not prepared to view their situation as anything but serious. They may be overwhelmed with grief or entrenched in righteous indignation about an injustice. Whatever their reasons, logical arguments usually fall on deaf ears.

Others truly need a non-judgmental listening ear. There is a temptation to want to lift them into the light, out of the darkness that they are wrestling with, by offering free unsolicited advice.

Some may need professional help if their heavy heartedness develops into depression.

It is important when living with someone heavy hearted to take care of your own well-being while accepting that your family member or friend is finding their own way through darkness.

     What are possible pathways to lightheartednes?

Sometimes, we can spontaneously enter the realm of lightheartedness. At other times, it takes intention and action to move towards a lighter place.

Mary Pipher in Women Rowing North suggests that we need “multiple reliable ways to cope with stress.” Many of us have temporary relief measures for heavy heartedness; we have ways of lifting our spirits, lightening our load. It could be music, being in nature, comfort foods, creative endeavors, or distraction. There are likely as many pathways as there are people.

     The pathway is a process.

The process begins with noticing. Notice what you associate with being heavyhearted. Is it certain people, a particular memory, a formidable challenge? What uplifts you? You may benefit from actually writing down your reflections on these questions.

Noticing leads to acknowledging what the situation is. There are many situations in life that are disheartening. There are expectations that are not met. There are people whose behavior has disappointed us. There are circumstances over which we do not have control. There are things that are not fair. There are times and events that temporarily imbalance our lives. It is simply a reality that we can be more lighthearted in some circumstances and with some people.

We have a choice. We can persistently mourn what cannot happen at this time, under this circumstance, or with this person. Or, we can begin to let go. Martha Pipher suggests that “In life, as in writing, it is as important to know what to delete as it is to know what to add”. The question, “What am I holding onto that is making me unhappy?’ is a good starting place.

     The prevention pathway

We can avoid heavyheartedness by limiting our exposure to negativity. For example, you may want to experiment with the occasional day without electronics. No news, phones, skype, zoom, television, or social media.

Look at the world through the lens of hope rather than despair. Watch the good news challenge on occasion. Choose reading that is uplifting. Choose friends who are empathic and productive. You don’t need a lot of “ain’t it awful” conversations. More “what if” talk keeps the focus on possibilities rather than on barriers.

Language is key. Using words and expressions like “on cloud nine”, “a happy camper”, and “over the moon”, can contribute to feeling lighter. Notice your language. Experiment with positive language when it is tempting to be negative. Call your stress, your growing edge. Call being put on hold on the phone, an opportunity to practice patience, or even take a mini vacation while you wait. Think of the delay as a gift. Thank the person who eventually gets to you.

     The humour pathway

It is okay to laugh. Even in grief, memories can generate laughter. Humour that has a twist often takes us to a place of lightheartedness.

Humour can generate a lightheartedness that can get us through a dark moment. For example, Norm’s black humour caught everyone off guard. After being told he had extensive and inoperable cancer, he responded, “You mean I ate all that broccoli for nothing!” It didn’t change the situation but it did change the mood of the moment.

     The pathway that involves people:

Most of us need at least one friend who we can call and say, “Do you have a few minutes to talk?”  You know that talking to that person will likely help lift the heaviness. You may or may not talk about what is contributing to your heaviness.

Are you that person for someone else?

Do you have a lighthearted mentor? When you think of someone who is lighthearted, who do you think of? Be specific. A neighbor, a grandmother, an uncle, a manager, a colleague? How old are they? How would you describe them to others? What do you notice that they do or say that encourages lightheartedness?

There is another way in which people uplift us. Sometimes it is important to transcend our situations and help someone else in some small way. It takes our focus off of ourselves. We might call it a “pathway of service”.

Children have no trouble being lighthearted. Do you have anyone who brings out the child in you? Over the years our child-likeness can fade. We don’t go to the silly well as often. It helps to have people who will go to the silly well with us.

The Silly Well

The drought of decades

has left me parched.

The well of silliness is dry.

I no longer see fairies dancing on daffodils.

I no longer hear orchestras in the forest.

I no longer imagine magic carpets

carrying me to Camelot.

I miss the silly well

blessed with the silly spell

that made life lighter.

Made hardship livable.

Made strangers, friends.

Made mountains into molehills.

Made tedium into adventure.

I miss the silly well.

You see –

To go to the silly well

you must take a friend.

I cannot go

to the silly well

alone.

                                                              Sarah Jane Pennington

     The Gratitude Pathway

There is a surge of websites, books, blogs, and research that focus on gratitude. There is no question that people who routinely express gratitude, despite their circumstances fare better physically and emotionally. Imagine and record some of the things that have warmed your heart.

     The Reflective Pathway

You might call this the pathway with a pen. Courtney Carver, author of Soulful Simplicity who lives with multiple sclerosis says, “I put my heart on paper first. I write it all down. Even if it sounds messy, I don’t judge. I just write.”

Just writing often takes us to such questions as, “What am I taking so seriously that I am willing to forego my sense of wellbeing?” How did heavyheartedness take over my day? Is it taking over my life? How am I spending my time? What am I thinking, feeling, or doing that makes this better or worse? How can I plan a day with increased joy and meaning?

Recommended Reading

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

On the outside, this author had it all, but she knew something was missing. To respond to that nagging feeling, that absence of lightheartedness, she set out on a year-long quest to better enjoy the life she already had. Bit by bit, she began to appreciate and amplify the happiness in her life. Written with a sense of humor and with insight, the Gretchen Rubin’s story is inspiring. It is a reminder of how to have fun.

The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris.

Are you caught in pursuing happiness rather than experiencing it? This author offers insights and techniques that invite readers to do something differently. It is a great book to read with your journal right beside you to respond to the questions and suggestions.

Research

In this New York Times article, the author reports the effect on happiness in several studies including struggling college and marital couples.

Writing Strategy of the Month

Contrasting Strategy 

Contrasting is a writing strategy that gives us an opportunity to see the world through different lenses. You can contrast different kinds of people. You can contrast the difference between two events. You can contrast best and worst scenarios.

For practice, just write about one of the most lighthearted situations you have ever experienced. Be sure to share the who, what, why, where, and when of the situation. Tell the reader any detail you can remember including colors, smells, textures, and sounds.

Then just write about one of the most disheartening situations you have ever experienced. Be sure to share the who, what, why, where, and when of the situation. Tell the reader any detail you can remember including colors, smells, textures, and sounds.

Then reflect on how you felt in each of the situations and how you felt even as you wrote them. What did you notice about lightheartedness contrasted with heavy heartedness?

Photo Question of the month

What two contrasting occasions might have prompted the feelings engendered in you by the balloons?

Using contrasting, write about two circumstances that may have prompted the balloon scene. Include the who, what, where, why, and when for both. Example: One circumstance may engender heartache, while the other may engender lightheartedness.

Then write about how you felt about each situation and how your felt as you wrote about each situation.

 

Caregiving will never be a one-size-fits-all.

                                         Nancy Kriseman

Caregiving is complex

Feelings

Caregiving is not something about which we have one feeling, one perspective, or one story. A multitude of feelings are often associated with caregiving. For one caregiver, the experience of caregiving may be a burden; for another, it is a privilege. For many, it is both.

Choice

Caregiving is always a choice; sometimes it seems thrust upon us. Caregiving consistently requires hope, courage, and skill to navigate the resources, the personalities, and the endless challenges.

Hurdles

Not all recipients of care are consistently grateful, not all required services are easy to access, and all of us have personal limits. Getting agreement of all of the participants regarding the scope of caregiving takes skillful listening.

How common is it to be a caregiver ?

Rosalynn Carter, wife of former president, Jimmy Carter and a well-known mental health advocate, wrote:

There are only four kinds of people in the world:

• – those who have been caregivers,
• – those who are currently caregivers,
• – those who will be caregivers and,
• – those who will need caregivers.

 

The Canadian Association for Retired persons reports:

• – more than 8 million Canadians provided informal care to family members or friends. More than 1 million of those caregivers were over than 65.
• – 44% of caregivers between 45-64 care for both a parent and children.
• – 35% of Canada’s workforce provides informal, unpaid caregiving while working.
• – One in ten caregivers spend more than 30 hours a week providing care.
• – 80% of all care given to seniors in the community.
• – 30 % of services to seniors in institutions are provided by informal caregivers.
• – The economic value of caregivers is astounding: caregivers who look after seniors save Canada’s health care system between $24 billion to $31 billion annually.

Caregiving has its challenges    ……..

1. Sharing the caring.

In an ideal world, in an ideal situation, caregivers and recipients of care are willing partners. A commonly expressed frustration of the recipient of caregiving is that they have lost control of their own care. They complain that people are making decisions for them; that they themselves are not consulted about their own lives.

The degree to which people can participate in decisions about their own care depends on their physical and cognitive capacities, where they reside, and their caregiver circumstances.

2. Maintaining your own health as a caregiver.

Healthy caregivers make better caregivers.

It is well documented that long term caregivers are at risk for physical health issues themselves. They are also at risk for compassion fatigue, the consequence of which is reduced empathy.

Over time, failing to heed the old adage, “ Put your own oxygen mask on first” can have serious consequences. It takes practice to find a balance between caregiving and self-care.

Caregivers are also confronted with emotional reactions generated by watching loved ones suffer. Chronic sorrow and vicarious trauma are common. Fortunately, a large body of literature dealing with these physical and mental health issues is available on the internet for professional and personal caregivers .

3. Accessing resources.

How people experience caregiving is different for each person. Support of families, communities, and health care systems often varies, sometimes dramatically. Even in the Canadian health care system, long term caregiving can contribute to financial stress. In addition, what is needed at one time may differ from what is needed days or weeks later. Caregiving recipients may also have their own preferences in terms of what resources they want to accept.

The gifts of caregiving

1. Memory making – enjoying the experience.

Many people report that the time that they spend caregiving is special. They feel a sense of accomplishment, an enhanced sense of humanity, an increased depth in their relationships, and a general appreciation of their own health and life. Cherished moments become cherished memories.

If you are a journaller, I encourage you to develop a practice of recording and reflecting on your positive moments and experiences of caregiving.

2. Avoiding regret.

Coulda’, shoulda’, woulda’ are regrets that caregivers do not want to accumulate. Caregiving invites us to priorize what we value and to come to terms with the reality that we cannot be all things to everyone, all of the time. If we attempt to do so, we actually reduce our capacity to be consistently present for people in our lives.

3. Perspective taking.

People who are in need of caregiving have varying abilities of participating maturely in care, of expressing appreciation, and of recognizing the needs of others. Taking this into account means seeing the world from their perspective. It does not always mean privileging their perspective.

Exploring perspective is the focus of this month’s writing strategy.

Written journals and Caregiving

Research on caregiving and writing suggests that caregivers benefit from writing in different ways. Caregivers need to use writing in a manner that “matches” their style of being and their needs.

Writing from an objective perspective may be helpful to one person and writing subjectively may help a different person. In other words, some people can use writing to assist themselves to be effective caregivers in a practical way, and others may need or want to reflect on the human experience, including the stressors and the rewards of caregiving.

Daily caregiving notes are helpful for organizing care.  No one form fits all. You may want to review a number of forms that would help you create meaningful records for your situation. Here is the link to a free site that has numerous examples.

Some caregivers benefit from reflecting on the emotional/personal experience of caregiving. They may or may not prefer to write about difficult situations or feelings. Those who benefited the most used positive, optimistic, future-oriented language.

For suggestions on caregiver journaling  you may want to refer to a free website.

For additional prompts, you may want to check out the following book for purchase:

You want me to do what? Journaling for caregivers. This book allows users to process their stress and celebrate what is right for them. It provides readers two hundred open-ended sentences for exploring feelings and situations in the safety of a private journal.

Research

There have been a sizable number of studies done to explore the benefits of writing for caregivers. Early research on journaling has focused on writing about trauma for an allotted duration and a frequency.  These early studies of caregivers and writing had high levels of participants drop out.

Many caregivers prefer not to focus on trauma. Caregivers need much more flexibility when writing. Researchers are finding that it is necessary to adapt research designs to accommodate the realities of the caregiving situation.

More recent research has demonstrated that caregivers use writing for a variety of reasons and have varying styles. “Objective writing” (using an emotionally distance style), writing over longer periods of time, and caregivers having a choice of what to write about, have been associated with beneficial results.

The research question has shifted from “Is journaling beneficial for caregivers?”, to the  question “Under what conditions is writing beneficial to caregivers?”

Here is a sampling of the research emerging in this field of study:

____________________

Expressive Writing for Cancer Caregivers

Harvey, J., Sanders, E., Ko, L., and Manusov, V., & Yi, J. (2018). The Impact of Written Emotional Disclosure on Cancer Caregivers’ Perceptions of Burden, Stress, and Depression: A Randomized Controlled Trial.  Health Communications, Vol.33, p. 824-832.

As a result of a brief three week intervention, the study demonstrated the potential for writing to have beneficial outcome on caregiver burden, stress, and depression.  Writing about feelings and about benefits of caregiving reduced caregiver depression. Writing about time management, without an emotional component, was also effective in reducing caregiver stress.

____________________

Mackenzie, C., Wiprzycka, U,.Hasher, L., & Goldstein, D. (2008). Seeing the glass half full: optimistic expressive writing improves mental health among chronically stressed caregivers. British Journal of Health Psychology, 13 (Pt 1): 73-

This study of caregivers found that those benefited from writing used positive, optimistic, and future-focused language.

Reading

Zen and the Art of Illness is a collection of gentle and insightful reflections on single days, sometimes single moments, in a year-long journey that began following her husband’s cancer diagnosis. In it, Ronna invites us to “transverse the landscapes of life-threating illness, ‘neither in fear nor in hope, and yet not without hope.”

James Miller (who is the co-author of Finding Hope, has his own web site.

James Miller has published numerous reader-friendly books on caregiving. Writing Strategy of the Month (February 2021)

Journaling about yourself, in the third person

There are three points of view in writing. First person is very personal and uses pronouns such as “I” and “me”. Second person writing uses “you” and “yours”. Writing in the third person is writing from a third-person perspective, as an outsider looking in and uses pronouns like “he”, “she”, or “they” while referring to themselves. By writing in the third person, the writer stands back, or outside of the situation with the intention of seeing the situation more objectively.          

Think about a caregiving relationship that you are in or may be in at some point. You may be surprised to realize you are already in a caregiving relationship whether it be with children, family, neighbors, or colleagues. Before writing, take a moment to review the questions below and reflect on your caregiving situation.

• What is your relationship to the person you are caring for?
• What condition are they suffering from?
• What is being expected of you?
• What is the expected duration of the caregiving?
• What are the other demands in your life?
• What experience do you have with caregiving?
• What are the expectations you have of yourself in the situation?
• What expectations does our culture impose on you?
• What resources are available to you?
• What support do you have for yourself?
• How are unexpected events, like Covid-19, influencing your caregiving?
• What is a reasonable objective for your short term and long term caregiving?

Once you have considered the questions, please describe your caregiving relationship in the third person. Use “he or she” even though you are writing about your own life.

After writing your journal in the third person, then write what you are noticing about the total writing experience and what you are noticing about the content of the written piece.

Here is an example of the beginning of written journal: (Remember, Grant is writing about his own situation):

Grant is a 57 year old executive who has retired early in order to be the primary caregiver for Margaret, his wife of 34 years. They have had a rewarding marriage and share three children and 4 grandchildren, who unfortunately do not live close by. Margaret was for the most part of a stay at home mom. Grace, Margaret’s sister, works full time at her job but helps take care of Margaret in her spare time.

Grant is finding the challenges of the food preparation daunting due to Margaret’s special dietary considerations during chemotherapy. His project management skills are put to good use coordinating appointments, medications, home care, and therapies involved in what they hope will lead to recovery. He and Grace, however, recognize that Margaret’s condition is likely progressive.

Grant would continue to write in the “third” person as the entry continued. He might go on to write about feelings, challenges, or special moments. He writes as if he is describing himself as a third person.

 

Photo Question of the Month (February 2021)

Please write your answer to this question in the third person.

 

Joy is to fun, as the deep sea is to a puddle.

It’s a feeling inside, that can hardly be contained.

                                                            Terry Pratchett

To live a life of joy is to live a bold life.

Looking at challenge through the lens of adventure, seeing beauty in dark places, delighting in the smile of an infant, being in awe of a sunrise – this is an aliveness that many of us call joy.  Joy, like love and hope, doesn’t lend itself to being defined. Happiness, bliss, rapture, wonder, thrill, and delight are common synonyms. Joy does have a spark, a moment when time seems to stop. A moment when our whole body smiles. You might think of joy as an unexpected flash of gratitude.

 

Does joy affect our health?

Dr. Cynthia Thaik reported in HuffPost in 2014, “When you are joyful, your whole body benefits, especially your heart and mind. In fact, research shows that joyful people have less chance of having a heart attack, healthier blood pressure, lower cholesterol, weight management, and decreased stress levels.”

Joy triggers

Each of us is unique in what triggers the joy response. The challenge is to be open to joy regardless of what we are feeling, to pause for a moment to notice that special feeling.

• Karen, a recent widow was walking on a golf course, out of season in a drizzling rain. The sky was grey. There were no golfers. The landscape was luscious green and quiet. Coming over a gentle hill, there they were – a doe and a fawn. The doe was cautious. The fawn curious. Karen knelt slowly and spoke gently. The fawn drew nearer. She wrote of that moment:

When the fawn pounced

across the carpet of green,

the feeling came

with an inner smile.

I remembered

for the first time in a long time,

the feeling of joy.

 

• Bonnie struggled each day as she neared six year old Ryan’s room on the second floor of the cancer centre. Often, she paused to collect herself before entering to ensure that her fear didn’t seep into her son’s awareness. As she entered, Ryan wore a smile of delight, indeed of joy, on his face. His little bald head was of no concern to him. On his bedside table, lay the picture format children’s menu he had just filled out. He announced with grand enthusiasm, “Tomorrow we get fruit loops.” In that moment, Bonnie made a decision. She too would look for joy each day.

 

• Ella, 91, made a difficult choice. It was time to move into assisted living. The move coincided with the COVID lock down. Here she was, only days into her new environment and now on virtual house arrest in her new 500 square foot  living space. Her meals were delivered to her room. It would be months before she would be allowed even a designated visitor. Yet, when her former and younger colleague would call, Ella would greet her with “It’s wonderful to hear from you.” The joy in her voice was palpable.

 

What blocks joy?

Experiencing even a few minutes of joy each day can be a challenge in this time of unprecedented chaos in our lives. What often brings us joy may be less available because of COVID 19, or joy may have slipped behind a veil of stressors that are taxing us. It is present though, if only in flashes, and only for moments.

Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be filled with joy. Joy requires us to pause, to insulate ourselves from the pain, physical or emotional if only for moments. Feelings of anger, resentment, fear or sadness can act as a wall through which we cannot see or touch joy.

During extra stressful times, our efforts to experience joy need to be more intentional. What wall inhibits you from experiencing joy – or of being bold in the face of adversity? What feeling might you need to confront in order to experience more joy in your life?

 

Openness to joy is a choice

There are those who have cultivated joy over their lives and seem to have a wellspring of it in reserve, who are not battered by the prevailing winds of chaos, who can unearth the specialness even in difficult moments.

Are you one of those people? Do you have one or more of those people in your life?

To be open to your joy requires a pause, a moment or more when the world falls away. In our world of busyness, we likely miss moments of joy that are readily available to us. Joy doesn’t take time out of our lives. It takes only a moment to delight in freshly squeezed orange juice, to smile back at a stranger, to watch the blue jays and squirrels bicker over the peanuts as winter sets in, to treasure a moment of sacredness, to literally smell a rose. Are you allowing yourself to pause for moments of joy? Remember joy is a gift that often takes us by surprise.

Openness to joy can include more than receiving an unexpected gift in your day. It could include kindling a moment of joy in the life of someone else.  Sending an unexpected card. Your long awaited voice on the phone call to a friend. A basket of fresh muffins left on a neighbor’s doorstep. Paying it forward at Tim Horton’s. Surprising someone else with an unanticipated kindness will bring you both joy. You will see it in their eyes. You will feel it in your heart.

 

1. Suggested Reading

• The science behind the joy of sharing joy invites us to experiment, not only with identifying our joy, but sharing it.

• Canadian author, Pierre Burton truly loved to write. Most of his books were best sellers. He titled his reflection on a fifty year award winning writing career The Joy of Writing. Looking for inspiration; enjoy his witty and practical guide.

2. Evidence

• Why joy matters more than ever is a straightforward short article on the benefits of joy and how to spark it.
• Joshua Brown and Joel Wong. (2007). How gratitude changes your brain. Greater Good Magazine: Science-based insights for a meaningful life. Brown and Wong looked at joy through the lens of gratitude. Their study demonstrates the influence of writing about gratitude.
• Science is one form of evidence. Testimony is another. Listen to Henry Rollins attest to The joy of Writing. He attests to the fact that writing itself brings him joy and to the fact that it is there for anyone should they choose.

3. Writing strategy of the month

Lists may seem so ordinary, so mundane. Yet, writing lists can be enormously helpful in giving our lives direction, identifying targets of gratitude and recovering memories.

This month’s theme is “joy”. This month’s writing strategy is “writing lists”. As you experiment with one of more of the lists below, notice the interaction between the theme and the list. As you write lists about joy, past, present or future, notice how you body responds? Notice how you feel if you take a moment with each item on the list. “Enjoy” your reflections on joy.

Answer any or all of the questions using lists.

What five moments of joy come to mind quickly?

What would bring you joy to write about?

What do you imagine would bring you joy that you have not yet experienced?

What photographs or images do you think capture joy?

To whom might you bring joy to today how might you do it?

What task would bring you joy today if you reframed it as a privilege, shifting from “I have to” to “I get to”?

If you were in charge of developing a “joy menu” for people in quarantine because of COVID, what would be on the menu for them to order?

If you really enjoy “lists” you might want to experiment with a journal that specifically uses “lists”. This is a link to 52 Lists for Happiness: A Weekly Journaling Inspiration for Positivity, Balance, and Joy by Moorea Seal.

We invite you to share your lists with us. We are in the process of web development that will allow readers to share with each other.

4. Photo question of the month—optional— Use the list strategy to explore the joy in this photo. Or, use previous months strategies of story, or the pyramid strategy.

 

 

 

 

Ask people about hope –

and they will tell you a story-

 

Scholars have not agreed on a definition of hope. Like love, it eludes definition, yet there is consensus that it is a necessary yet unique human experience. There is agreement that it is different than its cousins – faith, coping, resilience, optimism, desire or wishing.

For our purposes let’s think of hope as “ a willingness to envision a future in which we are willing to participate.”

Story Samplings

Sasha, a Russian woman in the last days of her life in a palliative care unit told me a story of the time she and her cousin were sent to a labour camp in Siberia. They rose each morning and said to each other, “Someday, we will be in America.” Then, with a broad smile on her face, she sighed and said, “And look. Here I am in America.” Her dream had come true.

Darius, a young man from the slums of Dar-es-Salaam, Tanzania, spoke with pride as he told the story of stowing away on a ship four times and each time being returned to his native county. The fifth time his efforts eventually led to a new life.

Joe, a quadriplegic from a truck accident, with the help of a friend was able to take his son fishing. Only when he was asked by caregivers about what gave him hope did they realize he had a son who was the source of his hope.

Jack, an advanced lymphoma patient, described a bald five year old youngster pushing an intravenous pole and carrying a wooden toy. Young Tommy shuffled up to Jack’s bed, looked directly at Jack with his ocean blue eyes and asked, “Can you fix my toy?”.  Jack later shared that that was the moment his hope returned – the moment he believed he could endure the demanding side effects of his own cancer treatment.

Hope stories need not be serious or complicated. They can be simple. Watching young ducklings on their first spring swim. Remembering moments with a grandmother who shared tea with you as a child, treating you like you were her peer. Receiving  a letter that confirmed you were accepted to university. Finding a $20 bill on a park bench with no one in sight to even inquire into its owner. Seeing your first poem published. Finding a basket of fresh muffins on your steps just after you have moved into a community.

Most of us could name numerous movies that are basically hope stories – Rudy, Shindler’s List, Eight Below, The Martian, Castaway, My Left Foot. The list is extensive.  

Freedom Writers is a hope story based on the power of writing to change lives.

Not all stories are about hopes that are fulfilled. A hope story can be inspiring even when the preferred outcome doesn’t happen. In hope stories though, there is a touch of surprise. Despite the context of adversity and/or uncertainty in the end the story takes a twist. Something is easier than expected, funnier than circumstances would suggest, more possible than imagined.

 

    What is your story ?

Everyone has a hope story. It may be about their whole life or it may be about one time, event, or person that became a lesson in hope. Each aspect of our life has its own story. We have a story about being a parent, a teacher, a caregiver, a spouse. Each is made up of contributing stories. Similarly with hope. There are moments in our lives that make up our hope story. Those moments may or may not be related to times of opportunity, achievements, or adversity. Each person’s hope story is different. The characters, incidents, challenges, allies and enemies will be different. What will be similar is that universal experience we call hope.

 

     This thing called hope

What is this thing called hope? A day with it guarantees nothing. A day without it is difficult. It cannot be x-rayed. It cannot be injected with a needle. As early as 1959, Karl Menninger in his presidential address to the American Psychiatric Community pleaded with the mental health community to pay attention to the “validity of hope”.

Yet, as late at 1988, the word hope was not even a key word in the psychological or medical abstracts. There were voluminous references to depression but none for hope. In the thirty intervening years, hope studies is now a recognized area of study. Hope focused practice  is recognized as aligned with therapies that focus on peoples’ stories as key to understanding and enhancing their well-being.

 

     My experience with hope

I was privileged to be a founding member of the Hope Foundation of Alberta, now known as Hope Studies Central. It is one of the few places in the world that specifically studies hope. It has a database that contains over 4500 articles and books specific to hope. Access to the database is free.

For more than a decade, I read about hope, talked with patients about hope, witnessed how people transcended hopelessness in the context of adversity, researched hope, lectured about hope, and taught hope courses for health care providers, educators, clergy, prison inmates, high risk adolescents and university students. I can attest to the power of hope.

The scope of hope is BIG, so we will be revisiting the topic every few months. On the website under Suggested Reading you will find an additional variety of hope readings.

 

Suggested Reading

1. Finding Hope: Ways to See Life in a Brighter Light: second edition by Ronna Jevne & James Miller

There is something mysterious about hope. You can be in dire straits and have a great deal of hope. You can have everything going your way with little or no hope. Either way, hope has a powerful effect on your life. After explaining what hope is, the authors describe twenty-two specific ideas about  how to find hope, keep and build hope in one’s personal life.  This book is not just about hope. It is an experience of hope. Insightful quotations for the ages as well as creative black and white photography enhance the text.

 

Tellwell featured Ronna as Author of the Month for April 2020 in an interview that you might enjoy reading as background to the book.

 

This recent article how to live from a place of hope speaks to the challenge of sustaining hope during   Covid19.

 

Hope often is challenged in the context of illness.  This article Hope and Illness was published on the Hope Café: Brewing optimism 24 hrs a day site.

 

The recent article Seeking-Hope reviews the mission, history, and activities about the Hope Foundation of Alberta, now known as Hope Studies Central (University of Alberta, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada)

 

This link is for access to the Reference Data Base archives for Hope Studies Central

 

2. HumanKind: Changing the World One Small Act At a time by Brad Aronson.

Want a lift during Covid19 days?

One reviewer says “HumanKind is filled with uplifting stories that will inspire you”. Another says “HumanKind is a celebration of the impact of small choices to transform ourselves the lives of those around us. It offers up inspiring ways for us to make the world better, even amid injustice, tragedy and misfortune.” I say, “HumanKind  is a rich source of hope stories that invite us to see the world through the lens of hope.”

 

Evidence

Influence of reflective writing on depression in students

Behavior Medicine (2006) reported that the students in the expressive writing group showed significant lower depression symptoms at the 6 month assessment.

 

The Journal of Positive Psychology (2016). Vol. 11, No.1 reported the influence of a four week positive writing intervention. Rather than writing about difficult times, the intervention focused on writing related to strengths, positive experiences and gratitude.  The positive writing group showed a lower dysphoric mood ( despondent – unhappy, uneasy, dissatisfied), fewere worries and less rumination compared to the neutral writing group.

Writing Strategy—Story

 

     Writing a hope story exercise

Think of a setting in which there is tension, adversity, or uncertainty. It can be in the past, the present, or even the future. For a few minutes write about the context. Take the potential reader to the situation. Where are you? Who else is there? What are you seeing? Pay attention to details of your senses. Notice color, shape, time of day? What if any, smells, are there? What sounds can you hear? What is happening that is a concern? What happens that changes what is expected? What twist occurs? What is it that is funnier, easier, or possible that wasn’t evident initially.

Your stories may or may not be private. If you want to share them, send them along to Prairie Wind or share them with a friend or member of your family. Invite others to share a hope story. Experiment this week. Write or tell a hope story each day.

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Photoquest

 

Sit before this photo for a few minutes. Just sit. Imagine that the photo has a story to tell you. Or perhaps the photo reminds you of a story. We invite you to pick up a pen your your keyboard and let yourself write the story. Let hope come into the story at some point.

Remember that there are no punctuation or grammar police.

 

There is only one point to writing. It allows you to do the impossible. … writing makes sorrow endurable, evil intelligible, justice desirable and love possible.

Roger Rosenblatt (2012). Kayak Morning.

Welcome to the inaugural newsletter of Prairie Wind Writing Centre. Whether your interest in writing is personal or professional, writing is an available, affordable, effective tool for enhancing your life.

The following short overview is a reminder of the reasons to write.

Writing supports reflecting on our lives. Our culture abounds with invitations to neglect our inner lives. The seeds of distress are everywhere in the complex world in which we live. It has been said that “if you don’t go within, you will go without.” Writing for the purpose of reflection returns us to our values, priorities and to emotional being, even in times of uncertainty. Having a toolkit for reflective writing is a mental health strategy. Every newsletter provides you with solid research and anecdotal evidence of the effectiveness of reflective writing. Each newsletter reflects on a different emotion.

Writing supports helping our clients, students, families and friends. In whatever professional role you have, there is often a place for inviting our clients (and colleagues) to write. Writing can assist them in clarifying goals or feelings, or options during a difficult time. This is true not just for those of us in the mental health fields. By encouraging them to put their thoughts on paper, we are encouraging them to take a greater role in seeing a future in which they wish to participate.

In the role of an educator, being familiar with multiple writing strategies increases the creativity of assignments in this world of on-line learning. Increased motivation means increased learning.

The newsletter offers suggestions for guiding client and student writing.

Writing supports reflecting on our own practice. Many roles in our society are now fraught with additional stressors. During the COVID pandemic, the practice of almost everything has changed. What is commonly called reflective practice is the interface between our personal and our professional lives. The greater the gap between the two in terms of values and behaviors, the greater the distress. Whether you are a truck driver, a hairdresser, a physician or a counsellor, minimizing our burnout potential is important. The newsletter provides examples and strategies for maximizing career satisfaction.

Writing improves writing. The act of writing is a complex experience. It is not just developing a structure and choosing the words. With rare exception, the writing process involves a dance between the writer and the writing. Our beliefs, feelings and behaviors interact with our writing experience. Ronna explores this in her book Living Life as a Writer and in our “Your Inner Author” workshops. Exploring your strengths, needs, frustrations and delights in relation to writing frees your inner author. Whether you write the occasional poem, pour your heart out in a journal, are preparing a formal manuscript or have an ongoing project underway, having a good relationship with your inner author makes writing more meaningful and enjoyable. The newsletter provides tips on how to get to know and encourage your inner author.

Evidence: This month we chose to highlight four different areas of research. The first is work by James Pennebaker who is renown for the research that he has done or spawned based on a protocol he calls “expressive writing.” In the area of relationships, you will find a reference to a study that looked at marital relationship satisfaction and writing.  The third article explores the use of expressive writing and work place injustices. The fourth article is a sample of the large body of work in the area of health conditions. The described study looked at a writing intervention with early stage breast cancer patients.

https://prairiewindwritingcentre.ca/category/research/

Suggested reading:

From among the many books related to writing for reflective reasons, we chose a sampling. Deena Metzger’s Writing for Your Life is a favorite for using for understanding our lives. Pat Schneider’s book Writing Alone and with Others is a resource for the beginner writers and for those facilitating writing with groups. Look forward to further suggestions in each newsletter.

https://prairiewindwritingcentre.ca/category/readings/

Recurring features:

In each newsletter will include a:

writing strategy (https://prairiewindwritingcentre.ca/category/writing-strategies/) and a

photograph with a question for reflection

 

Special book offer

Purchase 10 or more copies of a given book for a class or for  friends and receive a free online interactive session with Dr. Ronna Jevne, the author.

We want to hear from you: In the ensuing months we want hear about your interests and experiences with writing. We look forward to your suggestions, stories and questions. Contact Ronna with your ideas.